Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
