We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
