Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
