I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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