I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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