i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
