well you can't waste a boner
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
