my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
