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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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