i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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