I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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