I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize