I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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