Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I see more hoeing in ur future
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