so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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