When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
