dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
