she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
