so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
