420 ftw
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
