what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
