omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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