ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
