explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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