Im at strip club and am horny
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
