Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
