dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
