I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
