I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
