I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
