there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
