Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
