if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In America we eat man semen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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