3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
