yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
