I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
