I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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