I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
