remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
