Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She is in my trunk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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