time to smoke my breakfast
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
