Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We need to get me chipped asap
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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