its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
