I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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