Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
