you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
