you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
