I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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