I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
