My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
