I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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