Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Two words: nipple clamps
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