just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
