Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
