I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
