Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
