She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
