You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
