I smell stomach acid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
