shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
