I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
