I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
