Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is my gift to your gina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
