hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
