im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
