I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
