John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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