you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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