Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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