Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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