who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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