Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
