wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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