Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
