The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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