i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That accounts for only three of the penises
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
