I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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