Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
