currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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