We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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