saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize