He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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