she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
