Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
