Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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