Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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